Miss Manners: I gave my neighbor treats and got a rude phone call in return

DEAR MISS MANNERS I prepared chosen hand-dipped chocolate goodies and delivered them to a couple of ladies in my neighborhood Related Articles Miss Manners She threatened to call the cops on me in church Miss Manners Is there a polite way to satisfy my curiosity about the waitress Miss Manners Would it be crass to give a young widow money rather than flowers Miss Manners What s the rule about giving an ultimatum to a friend Miss Manners The women at work ignored me whenever I spoke What should I have done A limited days later one of the ladies called me to tell me she is diabetic and couldn t eat them I was sad that it s the thought that counts must not come into play anymore I felt her phone call was rude and unnecessary Am I being petty or was she being rude It will make me think twice next time I try to be thoughtful This friend certainly won t see goodies from me again GENTLE READER Then you will not want to hear that this lady spent the intervening time fuming over the thoughtlessness displayed in putting her wellbeing at danger as if instead of trying to brighten her day you had attempted to force-feed her Miss Manners recommends saying I m sorry to hear that Thanks for letting me know and then tossing the conversation in the memory dustbin and as was your plan not repeating the gesture This is also an approximation of what Miss Manners would have counseled the lady with diabetes had she been required DEAR MISS MANNERS My parents decided to throw us a housewarming party the day after we moved our family of five into a new home They invited a few people around town who d known me as a kid They also invited my friends and then solicited them to invite more people And they brought their own snacks We had been cleaning the apartment we had moved out of and still needed to put up curtains and assemble beds in the new place The guests were polite but did not help us unpack except for my brother who helped me with my daughter s bed Was there a polite way I could have urged these unexpected guests to leave so we could continue working GENTLE READER Trying to explain to guests that while it is true they were invited to your new home you are not responsible for making them feel welcome because you were unaware an invitation had been sent is a bit like trying to explain to the police that although you admit to driving the getaway car you had no idea your friend intended to rob the bank Your audience will be skeptical if not outright hostile and you cannot rely on the people who know the truth to back up your story Miss Manners says this to encourage you to pay greater attention to your parents plans in the future in development you missed an earlier opportunity to squelch this one By the time everyone had arrived the bulk you could do politely was look so tired and overwhelmed that the guests decamped voluntarily or pitched in Related Articles Asking Eric We didn t have a fight but I haven t seen my boyfriend in months Harriette Cole I appealed my boyfriend where he was going with no shirt on Miss Manners She threatened to call the cops on me in church Dear Abby She s secretly cruel then spins a different story for her church friends Asking Eric I m keeping my burial plan a secret even from my wife DEAR MISS MANNERS I often hear someone say something along the lines of We politely ask that you refrain from or We politely decline to accept Silly question but this doesn t make sense to me If you re asking or doing something politely should you certainly say you are doing that thing politely GENTLE READER The correct form is We respectfully ask or decline which Miss Manners would normally agree is silly except that it is not easy to convey respect in very limited words Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website www missmanners com to her email gentlereader missmanners com or through postal mail to Miss Manners Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO